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I like the word
"Presence." The first three letters P-R-E (the suffix) means "that
which comes before" and S-E-N (the root) means "to be." [from
Latin]
So Presence is that the we are before anything else...before we do
anything, before have a sense of our own identity, before we have
any intention or make any movement...
Presence is not something that I need to train. It is not a skill.
I don't accumulate Presence or the ability to be present. And yet
it is in some way a practice, or rather, it is a practice not to
interfere with Presence and allow it to "be" in a way that is
fuller and fuller and more and more visible to someone else.
So my understanding is that when I connect empathically to someone
else what I am doing is I'm turning up the volume on my Presence
in such a way that it includes them, and I'm inviting them to
experience me as being fully present with them.
I may be judging them. I probably am in my case, judging them,
making some kind of diagnosis, believing they should change in
some way, agreeing with them or disagreeing with them.
Whether I'm doing that or not doesn't seem to make an effect on
the quality of Presence. What makes an effect is where do I focus
my attention?
Do I focus my attention on that constant stream of judgment that I
have in my head? Or do I focus my attention on the place in which
they and I connect--our common humanity that which we share.
When I focus my attention there things begin to shift, or at least
the invitation for them to shift is clearly on the table.
So that's my experience of empathy while I'm experiencing it as
live and dynamic happening between us, and the way I connect to
the meaning in that is through remembering what the word Presence
is pointing to...
[and a metaphor for empathy? If it was a type of animal for
example]
I heard you say animal, but what I saw was a plant, so I'll answer
in that sense. When I'm taking care [of my plants] then what I'm
interested in is what supports them to grow...so empathy is like
this superfood.
It's not exactly sunshine, it's not exactly water, it's not
exactly the soil. It's something else which embues all of these
and creates conditions for growth. I'm wanting it to be silently,
invisibly, or visibly present.
Not simply in moments in which someone is experiencing pain and
would really like to be heard...
I'd like it to be the baseline from which I establish
relationships when they don't exist, care for those relationships
when they do exist, and heal those relationships that have been
diminished in some way by distance, by distrust, by separation and
disagreement.
So it's a quality of nutrition that human beings, and perhaps
humans and animals can exchange which creates conditions for
growth, for movement, for that which takes us into a deeper sense
of living together, of being One.
(transcripts thanks to Joan J) |
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